Posts Tagged ‘funny’

Testicle Therapy

"I woke up this morning and this Asian guy was attached to my foot."

Here’s a funny joke that guest author Brian Blackburn sent in.  Happy Friday!

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. ‘Please allow me to help. I’m a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me, she told him.

‘Oh, no, I’ll be all right. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,’ the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, ‘How does that feel’? Feels great, he replied; but I still think my thumb’s broken!

Golf Lessons – Create a Great Downswing

Hey people, I’ve had one of those weekends.  It was raining all of last week in Houston, but it broke during the weekend and I had a chance to hit some balls on the range.

Since I had my last lesson at golfTEC last week, I was working on some stuff and it really came together for me… on the range.  I was crushing balls, not always straight, but consistent contact, and NO SLICE (my worst nemesis).

My buddy invited me to play at the crack of dawn on Monday and I was sure I could take my progress to the golf course.  I envisioned clean strikes and slight draws.  Then I got up to the first tee and reality crashed on my head!  Revert to old habits.  Revert to old habits.  Revert to old habits.

Damn, this game got the best of me again.  Watch your back, golf game, watch your back.  I’m coming for you and one day, I’ll get the best of you.

(Oh, and here’s a good video I found about creating a great downswing from Barry Power.)

Play Like the 2nd Man

As noted in an earlier post, I haven’t been playing much lately because I’ve been working on new swing mechanics.  I mustered up enough courage to go out and give it the proverbial old college try.  Instead of Brock Park, ended up going to Gus Wortham.  You know that short par-3, Hole 8?  You have to clear some water.

One of my playing partners, Paul, hit a shot that landed short and rolled back.  We thought it for sure went in the drink, but no one saw the splash.  We went up there and the ball rolled into the most bizarre spot – under the wood but not quite in the water.  Safe to say that Paul took the penalty.

Another guy we were playing with, Michael Moore (although not the famous one), said one of the best lines I’ve ever heard.
He said, “We need to play like the 2nd man.”
I asked, “Who’s the 2nd man?”
Mike answered, “You know when you hit a shot off the tee that sucks, and you get pissed off, so you tee up another ball, and you just walk up to it and knock it without thinking.  And that shot always ends up in a great spot… That’s the 2nd man.”

Golf course wisdom at its finest.

Now for the winners of the 3rd June Trivia Contest.  The question was:

The current format of the U.S. Open is four 18-hole daily rounds.  In the past, the U.S. Open used different formats, including 36 holes played on each of two days and 18 holes on each of two days then 36 holes on the third day.  What year did the present format of four 18-hole daily rounds begin?

The answer from the U.S. Open website is (http://usga.usopen.com/2010/history/index.html):

The format of the U.S. Open has changed several times. The USGA extended the championship to 72 holes in 1898, with 36 holes played on each of two days. In 1926, the format was changed to 18 holes played each of two days, then 36 holes on the third day. In 1965, the present format of four 18-hole daily rounds was implemented for the first time.

The winners, chosen at random from the correct entrants, are:

Brent Paugh – One Free Round of Golf at Clear Creek Golf Club
Robert Rosado – Free Foursome with Cart at Blaketree National Golf Club

Next contest is starting Tuesday, July 6th. Grip it and rip it over the holiday.

Crazy Guy Hit with Golf Ball

After watching this video, I looked to find out the speed of a golf ball.  At an approximate clubhead speed of 109, the golf ball leaves the face of the driver at about 180 mph.  Considering the size of a golf ball, that’s gotta hurt.

Have a great Memorial Day weekend!

FedEx Golfing School of Business: Options

Golf Cart Jump

My friend and I were out playing golf the other day and got a little bit of loft when we hit a ramp at full speed in a golf cart.

Funny Happy Gilmore Clip

Back when Adam Sandler made funny movies…

Crazy Golf Fail

Only Club to Keep You Out of Woods

Tiger Woods on South Park

So, South Park featured Tiger Woods on their season premiere tonight and poked fun at the notion of a male sex addict among rich celebrities.  Maybe you’re not a fan of South Park, but tonight’s episode was hilarious!  Here’s a short clip from this episode.