Archive for November, 2009

No Way To Hold It

Ever been somewhere with no bathroom and a terrible case of the shits starts to haunt you?

Recently, I was hitting some balls at Bruner driving range after a few beers watching a football game.  A couple of balls into it, my stomach started twisting and I got that feeling that the Hoover Dam just broke in my stomach and the flood gates were about to open (I’m not talking about a number 1 either).

Bruner driving range is operated from a trailer in a field that sits on the outskirts of a residential neighborhood.  I ran in and asked the dude if there was a bathroom and he said no.  I looked at him square in the eyes and told him I really had to go.  He still said no!  Shit, now what was I going to do.

There was another customer in there, so I walked out of the trailer than noticed some type of shed/living quarters next to the trailer.  It might even be where that dude lives (he is the only one I ever see behind the counter there).  There was a bathroom in there that was visible from outside, but I didn’t want to take a ferocious dump in his place.  About that time, the feeling subsided and I felt I was in the clear.

I started hitting balls again, but after about 2 minutes, it was ON again.  And this time,  I really did have to think quick.  I couldn’t drop trough right there because there was one of those cutesy couples in their 20′s where the guy (and he was a tool) was trying to show his girlfriend (who was pretty hot) how to golf.  I quickly scanned the area looking for a secluded spot in the bushes, when I noticed an outhouse across the street in the residential neighborhood.

Time was of the essence and I knew this.  I scurried (simultaneously clenching) towards salvation.  As I passed my car, I logically deduced that I should grab any extra napkins from my car in case of no TP.  I did that quickly, and within no time, reached the port-o-potty.

There was no new construction anywhere near here.  Questions rang through me head.  Who’s port-o-potty was this?  Why is it here?  I slipped into stealth mode, avoided anyone who might be watching, and entered certain relief like a ninja.  Boy, was I smart… there wasn’t a square to spare in here.

Scared to go full ass in this unknown land, I squatted as best as possible, trying to avoid a miscalculation where I’d take friendly fire in my shorts.  My legs were burning because I couldn’t sit, but I did my best.  Without describing the gory details, I had enough backup napkins and totally avoided any spillage.

What seemed like minutes passed by, but I snuck out, careful to go unnoticed by any local turd burglers.  I nonchalantly hustled across the street and back to my spot on the range, seemingly like a ghost.  It worked.  I finished my bucket, drove home, took a shower, and lived to see another day.

Jersey Meadow Golf Course Review

The Houston Golf Nut played the Jersey Meadow Golf Course for the first time this past weekend with a couple of buddies (and just realized I’m referring to myself in 3rd person) .

When I first looked at the course layout, it looked like a lot of trees might be in the forecast, but that really wasn’t the case.  The golf course is much more open than it looks on this: Read more…

Shave 3 Strokes by Clearing Your Nose

Any of you golfers out there suffering from sleep apnea?  Well, here’s an article from WebMD News:

Nov. 2, 2009 — Men and women who undergo treatment for sleep apnea not only can improve their general health, but their golf games as well, new research indicates.

A study presented at CHEST 2009, the 75th annual international scientific assembly of the American College of Chest Physicians, finds that golfers who have obstructive sleep apnea and who received a therapy called nasal positive airway pressure (NPAP) improved their daytime sleepiness scores.

And they also lowered their golf handicap by as much as three strokes, according to Marc L. Benton, MD, FCCP, of the Atlantic Sleep and Pulmonary Associates in Madison, N.J.

You can read the rest of the article here:

http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/sleep-apnea/news/20091102/sleep-apnea-treatment-helps-your-golf-game?src=RSS_PUBLIC

I thought this article was pretty funny because there’s probably a ton of other ways that sleep apnea is affecting someone’s life (like keeping your wife up all night because you snore like a drunk lumberjack).

I guess if potential heart failure, stopping breathing between 25 and 100 times a night, heart attacks, and strokes don’t make you go to the doctor, maybe shaving a few strokes off your handicap will.  Good luck!

-Houston Golf Nut

Funny Callaway Ad

If you haven’t seen this yet, check it out.  It’s making its round on a lot of other golf  blogs.  Enjoy.